When my son was 3 years old, he was bite by insect and had an infection around the wound. I put a bandage for him to prevent he scratching it, however, he keeps pulling it off. So on and so forth….. till I was freaking out. There are days when it is almost impossible to get the little everyday tasks done because your toddler won’t listen. On such days when you are at your wit’s end, resist the urge to yell. Yelling won’t get you anywhere; it would only turn into a nasty power struggle. Later on I read the book for positive discipline by Dr. Jane Nelsen and tried several method as below. It helped me in my circumstance and I would like to share with you!
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Table of Contents
7 Ways to Get Your Kid to Listen to You
Before we dive into the topic, it is crucial to understand that your toddler is still a baby at the end of the day. Children under the age of three do not understand “no” in the way most parents think they do. That said, they are still trying to develop listening skills. Worse still, towards this time, most toddlers start to get a sense of awareness and can be uncooperative. But that’s not a bad thing, and it just means your little one is growing up. Moreover, positive discipline asks parents “kind and firm”, which challenges a lot for parents, especially when you are angry and under pressure.
1. Model What You Want from Them
If you want your toddler to listen more, the onus is on you to model good listening skills. After all, kids learn best from what they see. Reinforce positive communication and listening skills in your little one, and watch how they start to listen to you more.
While we can’t guarantee these tips will work all the time, they sure will work most of the time. In addition, they will help reinforce positive communication skills in your little one.
2. Show Respect and Have Eye Contact
Do you know how eye contact makes you feel seen, respected, and understood? Yes, it’s the same for your toddler. The best way to communicate with them is to come down to their level. The next time you feel your kid is not listening, get down on your knees, look into their eyes and tell them what you need them to do.
3. Speak Calmly
It’s so hard to remain calm when your child throws tantrums but losing your cool won’t solve the issue. Instead, use a soft but firm voice to get your child back in line. Ensure that your message is simple enough for your child to understand.
4. Be Reasonable
It can seem like your child is not listening when it’s time to do activities he doesn’t want. A clear example is going to bed. Don’t be frustrated; not too long ago, you were also a child who hated bedtimes. Here’s what you can do:
- Use a warning system to let your child know beforehand that it’s almost bedtime or time to pack up the toys.
- Allow him to soak up the last few minutes of playtime
- Then firmly insist he washes up and goes to bed
You can empathize with him to make it even easier; “I know you don’t want to go to bed, but you need your sleep to grow big.” Then woo him in with a bedtime story.
5. Involve Them in the Decision Making
Toddler years are when your kids begin to view themselves as “adults” with feelings, needs, dislikes, and wants. Thus, it is not strange to find them questioning your choices in a bid to assert their independence. But you can get them to listen to you by putting forward age-appropriate decisions.
These choices make them feel like they have a say in what happens in their lives. For example, you could ask, “the red shirt or the blue one?” That way, they feel like they have a say in what they wear. Life is easier when you involve your little ones in the little decisions. “How are we going to proceed?” (Instead of telling pre-verbal toddlers, say, “Next, we _,” while politely and firmly showing them.)
6. Ease them Into the Decision
You know how much you hate it when someone yelled at you out of the blues and ripped what you were doing out of your hands. Yes, that’s how annoyed your toddler would feel if you just demanded they put their toys away out of the blues. Instead, ease them into the following action.
Try this instead if you want your little one to put away the toys and get ready for supper.
Tell them 5-10 minutes before the time: “sweetie, we’ll eat dinner in 10 minutes, so put away your toys.”
5 minutes before dinner starts, remind them again. When dinner was ready, they would have put away all their toys.
7. Know When to Ask and Tell
We often ask toddlers questions when we mean to tell them something. A classic example of this is, “can you put on your shoes, honey?” When you use this kind of phrasing, you often get a ‘NO!”. This is because your child sees your instruction as a choice.
Instead, try saying “put on your shoes, honey” or even limiting it to just “shoes” followed by a gesture. That way, your instructions are clear. Before you give that next instruction, think, is this an ask or a tell, and the answer will help you structure your words correctly.
Reasons Your Toddler is Not Listening
Remember when we said you should be realistic with your listening expectations from your toddler? Yes, your toddler will not always follow your instructions. So, pick your battles wisely.
However, if your toddler rarely listens to you, you need to evaluate why they aren’t listening.
1. Communication Gap
The issue may be that you are not communicating clearly. First of all, ensure that you are talking to your toddler in a way they can understand. Tailor your speech to fit your child’s developmental stage. Use one-word commands where appropriate. E.g., You can tell your toddler “shoes” instead of saying, “Sweetie, please put on your shoes.”
2. Timing
Next, check if you give your kid enough time to process the information you have passed across. Remember that toddler listen and communication skills are not as developed as yours.
3. Lack of Follow Up
Your kids must understand early the repercussions of their misbehavior. So, if you say “finish your food or no tv,” you should enforce the limit immediately without anger. They understand the limitation and connect the action to the consequence.
4. Little Processing Time
Most of the time, we feel like our toddler are not listen to us when we haven’t given them time to process what we are saying. The next time you get the urge to yell at your kids, count to 5 and give the kid some time to process the information and respond. Once they’ve had time to process and respond, you won’t need to repeat yourself.
Final Thoughts
It’s easy to think our kids are not listening to us or that they are being stubborn when in fact, we don’t know how to communicate and follow through. We have dropped some tips on how to get your toddler to listen to you and do what you say. These tips will help you teach your kid healthy communication habits and listening skills and get them to cooperate. Remember, yelling never solves anything.
About Me
Hi, there. I am Lin. Together with my husband and two kids, we live in the beautiful Netherlands in Europe. I am dedicated to self-development, creating quality time for the whole family, and fully supporting kids with their potentials with all I have learned from engineering, MBA, and 10+ years of working experience in the energy sector.
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