Every couple knows that marriage is not only about love. It begins with love but it grows in patient and giving right space to each other. Patience means tolerating and controlling yourself when angry or frustrated, waiting calmly, stopping yourself from saying words that hurt in an argument, and maintaining your composure even when things don’t go our way. Patience acts as a base for a progressive and long-lasting relationship. Be more patient with your spouse plays an undeniable role in strengthening the bond between both partners and creates a sense of mutual understanding.
Table of Contents
Why do you need to be patient?
Although you and your partner live in the same house and the same world, the two of you can never have the same feelings. Because our perception of reality has a “filter,” the filter is your experience, education, emotions, ambitions, culture, beliefs, needs, personality, etc. which means when sometimes you feel angry, maybe the other one does not. When you think something is okay, perhaps your loved ones are not tolerant of that. It is not about whether he still loves you or not, it is simply because you do not see or feel the same thing. Before getting emotional and judgmental, always “picture your filter” and question yourself, “what could be in another filter.”
Here are some ways how to be patient with your spouse and improve your relationship:
1. Set up routines for couple’s time
Suppose your spouse is trying to talk to you about some household financial matter or a meeting in school but you are busy with your phone or your laptop or watching your favorite show on television. You start to get impatient. What do you think your spouse’s reaction will be? Indeed, anger and frustration. And probably you are annoyed as well because you want to enjoy a little peaceful time alone.
Setting up daily routines for your discussion is helpful, either 30 min or 1 hour. You two can discuss household matters or complain about your work, putting aside all the tech products and focusing only on the moment and your spouse.
You should be able to give your undivided attention to each other, ensure that you give importance to your family, and participate in solving the problems.
Communication is the key to solving problems in marriage even if you are in a bad mood or need to work in the evening. It will be easy to communicate your current feelings to them if you talk with your spouse daily. Say, ‘I am sorry, I cannot control my frustration right now. Let me cool down first, and then we can talk’. It will simply restrain you from acting impatiently.
2. Listen carefully
The art of listening is a crucial skill to be used when in a relationship.
Maybe the topic at hand is not attractive to you, but pay attention and listen actively. I started with, “I feel you are very upset about it, and can you tell me more about it?” Also, ask open questions, like “What happens afterward?” “How are you feeling now?” “How would you do if you were him?”
The worst thing is to ignore the other person and start with, “Let me give you some advice.” Your focus should be on your loved one, not your personal experience.
3. Think before speaking
It is easy to hurt someone with your words during an argument or a fight as anger and frustration limit our rational thinking and we are unable to restrain ourselves from saying hurtful words. This behavior puts a severe strain on the marital relationship.
During an argument, force yourself to take a deep breath and think for a second that you love and respect your spouse. Speaking in a hurry will only hurt the other party without solving the actual problem. This thinking time will improve your retraining abilities and patience for your spouse in the future. Remember, never say “never,” and never say “always.”
4. Align your expectations
Suppose you are sometimes late for a family dinner but you expect your spouse to be on time. This will no doubt lead to some argument. I do not remember how many times my husband and I are arguing about house cleaning. For me, as long as the table is wiped by wet towel, it is clean. However, his standard is you need to wipe it again by the dry towel. While he is explaining his standard, my ears are closed and eyes are rolling inside.
It would save us a lot of time to align our expectations at first place and make us realistic to the point that we can fulfill.
5. Give yourself a break
During a heated conversation, there comes a time when you realize that you are getting angry and about to lose your patience. Right then, stop yourself from saying anything else and take a break.
You can go out and take a walk, take deep breaths, drink a glass of water or eat something. A small 4-5 minute break prevents you from reacting impulsively and making matters worse and it will help you to remain calm and respond appropriately.
6. Learn to accept flaws
No one is perfect in e every sense. Everyone has their own set of flaws which reflect in their personalities. You and your spouse are no different. As human beings, we are prone to make mistakes.
Try to accept these imperfections in your spouse and communicate with each other to learn from them together. When you sincerely get that your better half is only human and can make mistakes, you will surely be able to control your frustrations with them. You will act more patiently and be able to develop a steady relationship.
7. Respect each other’s point of view
If you think that you are always correct and only you have a say in making decisions in the house, then you are wrong. You and your spouse are equal partners and have an equal right to voice your opinions about important matters in your married life. This could be something trivial like setting your furniture or can be serious like financial matters.
Respect your spouse’s opinion even if it doesn’t follow your thinking and try to understand the actual intentions. Try to think of a bigger picture and overall mutual goals you both are trying to achieve. It will help you feel more open-minded towards your spouse and develop more patience.
8. Engage in healthy activities
When you are so busy in your daily routines and under massive pressure from work, it is easy to become more and more frustrated and lose your patience immediately when you are in an argument.
Try to take some time off your busy schedules and spend some quality time together. Engage yourselves in some healthy activities that you both enjoy together. It could be some sports, going to an amusement park, a quiet dinner in your favorite diner, exercising together, or a simple walk after dinner. It will help you understand your partner better and develop mutual love and patience for each other.
9. Praise your partner
You and your spouse have your dreams and individual lives where you want to excel and strive to achieve the best. A little support along your journey makes a great difference and boosts your morale. Your spouse feels the same when you support and encourage them.
When you appreciate your spouse’s valuable role in your life and praise them for their achievements, it uplifts their spirits and gives them greater joy. Being considerate of your spouse’s needs and desires show your love and patience towards them. Show your love and support for your partner’s accomplishments to make them feel cherished. It will help enhance your patience towards each other and be a more valuable part of each other’s life.
Final thoughts
Expecting quick changes after marriage or thinking that you will get results in a day, is not ideal. Long-lasting marriages develop progressively. Although love and trust are essential for a successful marriage, you also have to be patient with each other. In the meanwhile, patient does not means to tolerant endless, stated your baseline as well and repeat it.
This article explains some ways to be patient with your spouse. Let us know when you need to think about yourself and what would you try to change? We appreciate your feedback. Wish every couple have a happy marriage!
About Me
Hi, there. I am Lin. Together with my husband and two kids, we live in the beautiful Netherlands in Europe. I am dedicated to self-development, creating quality time for the whole family, and fully supporting kids with their potentials with all I have learned from engineering, MBA, and 10+ years of working experience in the energy sector.
