Papa and Mama Parenting

7 Script Examples of Talking to Kids about Disability

  • by
  • December 29, 2022
  • 0 Comments
  • 12 minutes read

You probably already had this embarrassing experience: your kid spots a person in a wheelchair or blind, and they start pointing and ask you, “mom, why he only has one leg?” “what is wrong with him?” When I had a similar situation, my first reaction was to shut off the conversation, drag the kids away, and tell them it was impolite to ask these questions in front of people. However, it does not solve the child’s curiosity, and it will likely happen again next time. How to turn an uncomfortable situation into a learning opportunity? Today we are going to provide you 7 script examples of talking to kids about disability to prepare the moment. It will help you to turn the potentially awkward situation into a learning opportunity.

Related Reading:

Statistics

According to the CDC, 61 million adults in the United States live with a disability, which counts for 26% of adults. The functional disabilities include mobility disability (13.7%), cognition disability (10.8%), independent living disability (6.8%), hearing disability (5.9%), seeing disability (4.6%), and self-care disability (3.6%).

Source: CDC

What barriers do disabled people have?

While all of us can face challenges at some point, disabled people must overcome their barriers in daily life. Being disabled doesn’t mean someone is incapable. We’re disabled by some barriers put in our way. For example, if you are on wheelchair and go to a café on 2nd floor. You can’t walk to the 2nd floor, stairs will disable you. If there was a lift, you could access the 2nd floor. If the next generation is knowledgeable about disability, disabled children can grow up in a genuinely inclusive society.

CDC listed the most common obstacles below:

Attitudinal barriers

  • Stereotyping: assuming the disabled person has poor life quality
  • Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination: seeing disability as a personal tragedy, something that needs to be cured or prevented, as karma or punishment.

Communication barriers

  • This happens to people disabled in hearing, speaking, reading, writing, and understanding—for example, small print material, videos without captioning, etc.

Physical barriers

  • Obstacles (such as steps and curbs) that prevent a person with limited mobility from entering a building or using a sidewalk

Social barriers

  • Disabled people are significantly less likely to be employed.
  • Disabled people are more likely have low income (<$15,000)
  • Disabled children are nearly four times more likely to be victims of violence.

Other barriers

Why should we talk about disabilities with our kids?

Disability means a person’s functional needs are not addressed in their physical and social environment. If we do not consider disability as a personal deficit but a social responsibility, it will be easier to recognize and address the challenges. The more we talk about disability and normalize it, the more we can improve the attitudinal and social barriers for disabled people. It will help our kids to treat disabled people with respect and kindness.

7 Script Examples of Talking to Kids about Disability

1. Acknowledge disability and choose the word carefully

First, it is entirely normal when your kids are curious about others and do not intend to harm them. Your attitudes and response will shape their future attitudes and actions. If you feel ashamed or pity for disabled people, your kids will also model the behavior. Ignoring the topic can lead to the fearless and lack of education on disability, which are the most significant contributors to discrimination. Please take it as an opportunity to talk about the difference and respect.

The word “disabled” and “disability” is not harmful, and it is direct, straightforward, and linked with rights, laws, and history. You do not need to sugarcoat it as “special needs,” “differently-abled,” or “handicapped.” Otherwise, people feel uncomfortable as it hints that disability is a taboo you can not mention directly.

Some people prefer to use the name’s first expression, e.g., the person with a disability, instead of the disabled person. When talking or writing, I like to use disabled persons as it is more straightforward. When talking or mentioning a specific person, we use names and do not mention the disability as part of the name. E.g., “John with a wheelchair” is not allowed at home. They can add a surname, “John from class 4A,” “John from XX street,” etc. Words like “dumb,” weird,” “cripple,” and “Retarded” is forbidden for them.

Related Reading:

Responding Examples:

I see her as well. I guess she has trouble with her legs and cannot walk.

The lady cannot see very well, and her eyes work differently than yours. Therefore she uses a dog to help her to walk.

Shall we discuss it while we are walking / home? Stopping and staring at him is not a good idea, and people will feel uncomfortable.

Are you curious about how a wheelchair works? Maybe we can ask her if she is OK with it.

Responding you need to avoid

  • Oh, we don’t need to talk about that right now
  • It’s OK that she doesn’t walk. She has her wheelchair to help her

2.  Focus on the similarity and uniqueness

When the kids get older and entering school, they started to notice the less visible disabilities related with children development, e.g. ADHD. They may have questions about their classmates or schoolmates and talk with you at home.

The key principle is to answer your child’s questions with facts and be honest. If you don’t know much about the disabled person, try to contact the school and ask if they have organized a learning session to facilitate a conversation between the children. Moreover, reach the kids’ families and see if they are open to arranging a playdate for the two kids.

While talking with your kids, do not preset any assumptions or emotional comments, e.g., “he must feel despondent about it”, “I am sorry it happens to him”, etc. You don’t know the person’s feeling or experiencing if you do not know the disabled person well.

Try to keep your explanations positive. For example, “he needs hearing aids to help him listening” instead of “he cannot hear or he is deaf”.

Being disabled is nothing to be ashamed or ashamed of, and it is just a difference. We are all human beings and have some common points to connect us, for example, the same age, same school, same hobby, enjoying feeling loved or having friends, etc. Encourage your child to think and find what the disabled person’s specialty and good at is. They can celebrate the unique qualities of others.

Responding Examples:

John cannot see things, which is now part of his life. For other things, he is just like you. He also needs love and friendship. Would you like to be his friend?

John needs a wheelchair to help him, but he loves playing with Legos like you.

Meredith is not good at running because of her leg. What is she good at?

Did you mention that John also loves to watch football and has a dog at home?

Does Lucy also love hello kitty like you?

Responding you need to avoid:

  • I feel sorry for Lucy because she needs wheelchair
  • He must feel despondent about it
  • he cannot hear or he is deaf

3. Learn It Together and Prepare for the tough questions

If your child asks complex and detailed questions, it is OK to say, “It is a really good question. I do not know much about Down Syndrome, can we learn about the disability together?” or “I am not sure how to answer it yet, I will think about it and get back to you”. Here I listed several typical difficult questions for you to think in advance.

  • Why people can born with disabilities?

Refer to our previous article, there are many reasons for a disability, genetic, pollution, complication or other things during pregnancy. You can answer from scientific view to listed all the potential reasons, such as “it is more than one factor cause the disability, it took scientist and doctors for a long time to find the reason of such disease, but there is no conclusion yet.” “It is no one’s fault”.

  • How long they can live?

It depends on different disability and case by case. You may want to focus on the past and present effort instead of worrying about future. “I do not know the answer. All we can do is spending everyday happy and meaningful together. I am sure the doctors are trying everything they can to help John and his family”.

  • Can he walk again?

There’s a good chance you’re unaware of someone’s prognosis. In this case, avoid any unrealistic promising but you may talk about the technology development. For example, “honey, in old days, if people have myopia, it is more or less related with disability because there is no glasses, now with the assistance of glasses, many people are living a normal life. I do not know if Jason can walk with his own leg, but there are many facilities to help him walk, run or swim.“

4. Talk about Inclusion and be a role model

Unfortunately, it is unavoidable that your kids will overhear some mean words to the disabled kids at school. Also, there is a good chance that he will repeat the words. Address it as soon as you hear it, and explain why those words are hurtful to your kid.

The most straightforward way is to ask him to close his eyes and imagine himself as a disabled kid. How does he want to be treated? How is he feeling while other kids teasing him? What could be the consequences if they were disabled kids?

Talk with kids about why they need to be Inclusion and what they can do to help the disabled kids feel safe:

  • Say Hi to the disabled kids with a smile
  • Play with them or invite them to your lunch table when they are alone
  • Do not ignore or laugh at their behaviors due to the disability
  • Notice the teacher if things go wrong

You can also encourage (not compulsory) your child to develop friendships with the disabled child. You can arrange playdates or go to the same after-school activities if the other family likes the idea.

Set up a good model yourself, like saying hello at the playground, church, and school. Children are always a mirror for their parents.

Discussion Examples:

  • How does he want to be treated?
  • How is he feeling while other kids teasing him?
  • What could be the consequences if they were a disabled kid?
  • Would you like to play with John? I heard he is also a Lego fan.

5.  Set Rules for Interactions

Once kids understand disability and willing to spend time with their disabled friends, they still need to learn how to manage their impulse and interact with disabled people kindly and respectfully.

  • Wordings:
    • No R-words or similar and no name calling. No “amazing or inspiring” unless the person did a really outstanding achievement.
    • If kids want to ask questions about their disability, check first “Is it OK if I ask about your leg?”
  • Behaviors:

Getting behind a wheelchair without noticing is very risky if the disabled person does not see your child behind. Similarly, when autistic children need to calm down, a friend hug may exacerbate the situation.

  • Ask the person if they need help before helping them. You may have the good intention, but the disabled kids may feel less than others. “Do you need help? I can push your wheelchair”.  
    • Do not disturb the dog, he is working right now to guild people.
    • Do not ride around John’s wheelchair, it is a medical device and not to play with.

If your child want to invite his disabled friend to his birthday party, you should contact the other parent to discuss the details. “My son would love to invite James for his birthday party, we are planning to have some facilities and food service, is there anything we should know to make it safe and enjoyable for them?”  

6. Make it a continuous conversation

The discussion about disabilities should be continued with kids’ age.

For young children, it is about treating another person respectfully with curiosity. As children grow older, they will be able to understand how this works in practice.

For older children, it is about the American history with the Disabilities Act, the disability rights movement, intersectionality, etc. Kids have a strong sense of fairness, and it’s essential to help them think about how to meet everyone’s needs.

Avoid harsh words like “I’d rather be dead if I cannot play basketball.”

Teenager may also have awkward questions about dating and the general lifestyle of disabled people.

7. Resources talking about disability

Read age-appropriate books about disabilities, and watch TV shows that address specific conditions. Sesame Street, for example, has a Muppet character named Julia, who has autism. These resources are a great way to open up the conversation of disability.

Here are the list of recommended books:

Books:

Don’t Call Me Special: A First Look at Disability, by Pat Thomas, suitable for preschooler

Not So Different: What You Want to Ask About Having a Disability, by Shane Burcaw for middle schooler

About Me

Hi, there. I am Lin. Together with my husband and two kids, we live in the beautiful Netherlands in Europe. I am dedicated to self-development, creating quality time for the whole family, and fully supporting kids with their potentials and possibilities with all I have learned from engineering, MBA, and 10+ years of working experience in the energy sector.

Related Reading:

Popular Tags:

Hi ! Thanks for reading my blog! Was this post helpful ?

Sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get the simple but workable family monthly planner !

We never spam or distribute your information.