Raising children, especially those under the age of 5, is a tricky balancing act. You have to play and interact with the kids while you keep the house tidy enough to walk. Though there is the off chance of a kid who loves being neat, most love to mess things up. While being messy has developmental benefits for our wee ones, cleaning up after them is an arduous task. This is especially true if you or your husband are the only ones cleaning up. Even teaching them the basics can be daunting to most parents. But Stephanie, a mom of two under five, willingly shares with us 5 of the most valuable tips to turn chores into habits with her kids.
Related Reading:
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- 7 Classic Discipline Strategy That Still Work (on primary school kids)
- 7 Old-fashioned Discipline Techniques You Should Avoid At All (on primary school kids)
- 7 Fun and Effective Ways of Teaching Young Kids to Do Chores
- 8 Toddler Desk Ideas to Create Concentration
- How to Get a Toddler to Sleep: 9 Ways to Help Child Rest
- 8 Ways Daily Money Management Activities to Teach Financial Literacy to Kids
Table of Contents
How to Turn Chores into Habits — 5 Real Examples
1) Showing the Proper Way of Doing the Chore
Most people think they should teach kids to do chores by the time they’re grade schoolers. But, AACAP’s research suggests it’s best to teach your kids to do tasks by the time they’re three years old. This not only makes the children more responsible, but it also increases their self-esteem and frustration tolerance.
Don’t bombard the children with all the chores they need to learn, though. Depending on how fast they know, you can introduce 1-2 chores a week. You can always shorten the time between teaching new chores if you see that your child’s a fast learner.
But, kids generally are visual learners. Whatever they see you doing, they’ll imitate it. This is most especially true of my 5-year-old autistic son.
Knowing that he finds verbal understanding of instructions difficult, I have to show him how to do things slowly. If he still can’t understand how to do the chore, we’ll go through the sequence one by one until he remembers them.
As for the pacing, I teach the kids one new chore every week (or sometimes two weeks) to give them ample time to master it. It’s also less stressful on the kid’s part.
I started with simple chores like throwing the trash and putting dirty clothes in the hamper. I ensure they’re watching me while I put the garbage in the trash bin and the dirty clothes in the hamper.
Now, both my autistic son and his 2-year-old brother can understand how those chores are done. I only have to point at the item while saying “trash” or “hamper” before they run toward the bin or the hamper.
2) More Practice Time with Them
Once the kids have mastered the steps to the chore, it’s time to put them to the “test.” This means you will ask your child to chore at a particular time.
For instance, if you see your kid’s toys scattered on the floor and he’s not playing with them, ask him to put them inside the toy bin. If he undresses himself to take a bath, ask him to put the clothes, he removed in the hamper.
Don’t scold the child, though, if he finds it hard to follow through with the steps you taught them. If you do that, they won’t want to do the chore for fear of committing a mistake again. Instead, tell them that it’s good that they’re trying to do the chore. Then, show your child how to do the chore again (or a particular step he missed).
I usually find opportunities for the boys to practice their newly-learned chores. Whenever they remove their clothes, I ask them to put them in the hamper, emphasizing the word “hamper.” The moment they hear the word, they know what to do.
At times, I even purposely mix up the instructions. I hand them over a piece of crumpled paper and ask them to put it in the hamper. If they know that the paper is not clothing, they’ll go to the trash bin instead. You can test their understanding of the chores and their sorting abilities.
With each practice, you can choose to increase the level of difficulty. But don’t make it too hard that your child will be discouraged. Raising Children has tips on how you can encourage children properly.
3) Turn the Chores to Games and Habits
Children don’t want anything to do with boring stuff, including household chores. For them, chores are like punishments or “jail time” to serve before they can do what they want.
So, to teach your kids how to do chores, make them fun instead. You can check out the article about the fun and effective ways to teach young kids to do chores.
If you didn’t find an activity from that article, you’d have to start getting creative. Since they’re your kids, you know their weak spots. If they love timed races, you can set a timer and ask them to clean their room within the time limit. The one with the cleanest area after the set time is the winner.
You can even incorporate other concepts you want your children to master into their chores. You can ask them to sort them by color if they’re learning about washing clothes. To bring more excitement, you can again set a timer to see who can do the task the fastest.
Regardless of what game you think of, please make sure the chores you assign them are age-appropriate.
As for my boys, they love anything that has to do with shooting stuff in baskets. So, I make them pick up clothes, toys, or trash on the floor and shoot them into their respective containers. I don’t set a time limit, though, as they feel pressured when I do that.
Sometimes, I even play a song about cleaning up or packing away while they’re doing the chore. The most important thing is my kids now know they can do tasks in a fun way.
4) Introduce a Reward System
Some parents are skeptical about giving rewards to children for doing their chores. But, Positive Parenting Project says that gratuities are not synonymous with bribes.
A reward makes the kids feel proud of what they did. And they’re given when the children do something good. You are giving bribes if you give something to your kid for them to cooperate. Usually, this is done out of desperation to make children do their assigned chores.
Since the main goal is to turn chores into a habit, introduce the reward system to your kids. Though Parenting for Brain explains how this can make the kids do tasks for the rewards alone, you can use this system as a jumpstarter. You can remove the use of rewards once they consistently do the chores assigned to them.
If you’re uncomfortable giving extrinsic rewards like food and money (like I do), praise them instead. Even if your kids don’t do the chore correctly the first time, still praise them for their effort. The important thing is they have tried to do the chore. Eventually, their confidence will build up, making them more intrinsically motivated to do the chores.
I find that praising my two boys is the best way to motivate them to do their chores. Each time they put the trash in the bin or their dirty clothes in the hamper, I excitedly clap my hands and say, “Good job!” or “You did it!” Sometimes, I even add a high-five at the end of every successful chore. They (especially my second-born) then clap their hands even when I don’t praise them. Having my kids feel the pride of being able to do a chore is the best reward they’ll receive. Afterwards, the chores slowing turn to daily habits.
5) Putting Consequences Related to the Chores
We introduce rewards and consequences when you want your kids to learn right from wrong. Even when we trying to turn chores to habits, our standard line is, “If you don’t tidy up, you won’t be able to watch TV.”
While it’s correct that you put consequences when they don’t do their tasks, they’re often unrelated to the chore. Hence, Rica Peralejo introduces the concept of natural consequences (from a book she has read) and other techniques in her vlog.
Establishing natural consequences means their “punishment” is related to the original intent of doing the chores. For example, if your kids don’t put the plates in the sink after breakfast, they’ll use the same plate for lunch. And we all know how children don’t like to use dirty dishes at mealtimes. They will eventually get the idea that no one will pick up their mess for them.
You may have to modify this strategy for younger kids (2-3 years). Since they have shorter attention spans, limited cognitive abilities, and fine motor skills, don’t expect them to clean up after themselves perfectly. For my toddler, I asked him to hang his shoes in the designated shoe area. If he doesn’t and wants to go out, he’ll have to find his shoes (but with some help if it’s somewhere he can’t reach).
When to Start Teaching Chores to Kids as Habits?
Since you now know how to help your kids turn chores into habits, the next question would be when best to start teaching them.
Better by Today suggests that you can teach children basic chores around 3-4 years old. According to Dr. Tamar Chansky’s study, children who start doing chores early are more likely to have better relationships with family and peers. Such a habit also leads these kids to have more successful careers than those who aren’t doing chores.
But this study is simply a guide, not a hard rule. If you find that your wee one wants to help even if he is still two years old, allow him to do so. Just simplify the process, or at least let him do one or two steps of the chore. This way, he will learn early on that chores are a family affair, especially if he sees everyone helping out.
You can find some household chores for kids under five on Cleanipedia.
Can Money Help to Turn Chores to Habits?
Related Reading:
- 8 Ways Daily Money Management Activities to Teach Financial Literacy to Kids
- The Difference between Bribe and Reward your Kids
Giving rewards is the most common way for parents to help their kids turn chores into a habit, and money certainly is Included in this reward list. While some kids willingly help without any reward, should parents give money to unwilling children so they’ll tidy up the house?
A Harvard study says that using money as a reward effectively develops compliance but can have negative impacts. One, your kids may not want to do a chore if you’re not “paying” them anymore, and they will only do the tasks if there’s nothing that motivates them. This leads to the second negative impact, which is having kids who don’t help others “for free.”
But, while this is true, using money as a reward can also help children learn about how the adult world works. Since there’s nothing free in real life, kids should be aware of this fact soon. They need to put in the hard work to get their reward money.
To be safe, you can introduce money as a reward when your kids reach their tween years. By then, they already know the chores they should do, including the consequences of not doing them. Think of it like slowly training them to what they’ll do once they reach adulthood.
In that way, they’ll also know that there isn’t a way for you to earn money without hard work.
Patience, Consistency, and Teamwork are the Keys to Success!
Turning chores into habits isn’t something you can expect kids to perfect overnight. One, their minds are still developing, and two, they’re still exploring how the world works. Even adults tend to skimp on our assigned chores if they don’t feel like doing them.
Since we’re working with kids, understand that you need to slow down in making your requests. You cannot expect your toddler to wash the dishes like a pro. And you most certainly can’t request them to do five things at a time if they’re not developmentally ready for it. Just pick out at least 1 or 2 tasks at a time that they can do for a week.
If they can’t do the chore properly, continue encouraging them. Give them lots of praise. A smile and a hug are good addition to motivate your kids further to practice the chore. Perfection isn’t the game’s name, after all, when building a habit, and consistency is the very thing we’re trying to develop in our kids.
Lastly, chores aren’t a one-person thing. The best way to entice your kids to help tidy the house is to do it with them. If they need help, willingly do so and not show them that you’re disgruntled over having to assist them. When they see that everyone helps in tidying the house, they’ll be ashamed not to have any part in it — especially if there’s a surprise treat afterward.
About Me
Hi, there. I am Lin. Together with my husband and two kids, we live in the beautiful Netherlands in Europe. I am dedicated to self-development, creating quality time for the whole family, and fully supporting kids with their potentials and possibilities with all I have learned from engineering, MBA, and 10+ years of working experience in the energy sector.
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