Mark had been with us for one month. We had a dinner conversation with our kids on the weekend and asked them seven questions. How is their feedback for the guest parents experience? Are they happy to have Mark? How do they like him? What is the good and bad side? Surprisingly, they gave completely different answers.
Related Reading:
- Being Guest Parents for a Dutch Teenager – episode 1
- 7 Reasons I Do not Send My Kids to Professional Music Primary and Middle School – episode 2
- 16 Years Old Teenagers – Independence or Indifference? – episode 3
- 6 Parenting Styles and 5 Impact Factors for Your styles
- 12 Suggestions for Parenting Adult Children
Table of Contents
1. How is your experience of Mark?
Minghe: He came back very late. I barely saw him and felt him existing. But Mark only read once with us, which he promised. And he played with his phone a lot.
Yojan: But he has a mountain of homework to do.
Minghe: No! When I see him, he is just playing on the phone.
Mama: Does he play games?
Minghe: No, but he is busy chatting and looking at pictures with his phone.
Papa: Yojan, how is your experience?
Yojan: I like him. He is good at ballet and works hard as well. He knows what he wants, and he is busy. I share the bathroom with him and noticed he put the showerhead higher because he is taller than me, but not so high that I can reach it. In general, I like him, but the only thing is he cannot play with us, constantly alone. I guess that is a big boy doing.
Mama: I had the same feeling as well. When I was his age, I still did not know what I wanted to be. My feedback of being guest parents for Mark, is that I admire and appreciate him a lot. He has a dream, and he knows how to pursue it.
Papa: Yes, I think he is pretty mature.
Related Reading:
- 14 Unique Parent-Child Date Ideas to Make it Memorable
- 6 Facts About Teen Friendship and How Parents Can Support Them
- 6 Tips To Help Parents Talk with Teens about Friendship
2. Do you like this lifestyle?
Yojan: No! I want to be home on time for dinner with my family, and family is the most important!
Papa: But if you like doing something and it is demanding, what do you do?
Minghe: I will have dinner at home and then go out again!
[Laughing]
Mama: If your hobby is far away, what will you do?
Minghe: Can we move?
Papa: Probably not. We have work and live here, and if one of you goes to a local school, we cannot change because of this. But we do not know that. Probably we also need to find guest parents for you and get their feedback as well. We will wonder what is that!
Yojan: I must accept that if I really like something.
Mama: Would you consider studying music full-time?
Yojan: No way! I like music, but also sports and meeting friends.
Minghe: Maybe I like music and dance. I think it will be combined well if I study music or dance.
3. Can you live outside of our house when you are 16?
Yojan: No, I like our food, chat, and room. I will be very sad if I need to leave. But! If I can play endless video games and watch TV, maybe it is a good idea!
Minghe: No, I do not want to live outside anyway, but one or two days per week is good! It sounds like a sleepover!
Yojan: Mark is a sleepover. He only sleeps here from Monday to Friday.
Minghe: I mean only 1 or 2 days, Monday to Friday is too long for me.
Papa: Would it be better if you do not live with a family but outside, like in a dormitory with other kids?
Yojan: Like summer camp?
Minghe: We had experience in the summer camp. Sometimes I like it, and sometimes I miss Mama. Mama, do you miss us when we are outside?
Mama: Not really. I am happy if you have a sleepover, but I worry if you brushed your teeth properly or went to the toilet before bed. The most important thing for me is your safety and health. To achieve that, you must be very disciplined.
Papa: Indeed, self-disciplinary is very important, and you can play games for a while, but it cannot take over your school and other activities.
Yojan: When can we start playing games? Most of my friends have PlayStation or X Box.
Papa and Mama: When we see, you can control the time and master your study.
Both Yojan and Minghe: Oh~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. What would you do differently if you lived in another’s house?
Yojan: Well, if I were living in someone else’s house, I’d be back for dinner because that is important and play with family.
Minghe: Yeah, I agree with Yojan. And I will keep my promise, like read for the kids.
Yojan: Probably I will spend a weekend here as well, just to join the family.
Mama: Haha, he must missed his own papa and mama in the weekend. I appreciate the independence Mark has. He never bothers us if it is late in the evening to pick him up. When I was 16, my parents still picked me up from high school every day.
5. Do you want to help another teenager if it is the same situation?
Yojan: Yes, but he needs to be a bit younger, like 11 or 12. I feel 16 years old is too big.
Minghe: I agree with Yojan, and I wish she were a girl as well. Then we can share the shower place and play together.
Papa: Yes, I will still set up a short period instead of an extended one, just for emergencies.
Mama: My answer is probably no. As guest parents feedback, although the liability is not entirely on our side, I still feel much pressure when another kid depends on us, especially when Mark is late for school. I often worry about him till he is back. That is not a good feeling.
Papa: I share it. Sometimes, I wonder if he has enough food because we eat differently.
6. What do you learn most from the experience?
Yojan: Growing mindset! We learn that in school as well. You must be open and curious about everything so you can always learn. Mark is here, so I am learning an extensive boy schedule, which also helps me. And he likes Yogurt so much!
Minghe: Keep your promise! Otherwise, people get disappointed. I like Mark, but I wouldn’t say I like this.
Mama: I share with both of you that being curious about things keeps you learning. In Chinese, we have a saying, “Knowledge comes from 10,000 books and 10,000 miles, from the experience you accumulated”. This is an exciting experience for all of us.
Papa: I learned to trust people more. Sometimes, opening your house for others is not a bad thing. I knew Grandma worried a lot, but it was a satisfactory experience.
Mama: I got some positive feedback by being the guest parents for both of you. You are quieter in the evening before going to bed. Before Mark was here, you played a lot before sleep, and sometimes it wasn’t quiet enough for us. But now you are only reading books in your bedroom.
Minghe and Yojan: Mark is doing his homework, and we must be quiet.
Mama: an extra point for Minghe is that you do not cry a lot at night when you have nightmares or want to go to the toilet.
Minghe: Ha hahaha, sometimes I cry because I do not want to walk to the toilet, but now Mark is here, I do not want him to hear my cry.
7. What do you want to do when you grow up?
Yojan: I do not know, maybe a driver or football player.
Minghe: [laughing] You do not play football now! You are playing grass hockey!
Minghe: I want to be a dancer, musician, or maybe both. I love music and dancing, and I think pursuing a career in something I’m passionate about would be amazing. But I also like mathematics, and maybe I want to be a professor or a chef because I also like cooking!
Mama: If you choose to dance and music, you probably also need to choose full-time study like Mark.
Minghe: Yes, and I think I will probably choose London or Paris or New York, there will be more opportunities.
Yojan: That’s far! When you are 16? We will miss you!
Minghe: I mean, if it is my dream, I must.
Papa: That’s great, kids. You will have enough time to explore the future. Following your interests and passions is essential when thinking about your future career. Just remember to work hard and stay disciplined in whatever path you choose. But Minghe, please let us know if you decide to pursue the artist career. Papa and Mama need to prepare for that.
Minghe: What do you need to prepare for?
Papa: If you are a performer, you will have a different schedule than the usual working people. For example, Christmas and New Year will be your performance time. Remember all the shows we went to? It is either on the weekend or holiday period, but not on Monday. So Papa and Mama need to adjust the holiday period for you.
Mama: And we probably need to prepare financially to support you. But it would help if you always kept your studies a priority. Education opens many opportunities in life, no matter what you decide to do in the future.
Final Thoughts from Pragmatic Lifestyle
Opening your house to a non-family member is not easy, but I am so glad both Yojan and Minghe took it positively and shared their learnings.
As guest parents and real parents, we had the opportunity to reflect and feedback about another lifestyle, another kid, and also our own kids. Keep positive and keep the growing mindset. We are proud of their adaptability and value their learning experiences during this unique situation.
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